I fight with fibromyalgia every waking day. The fatigue that comes with it is my greatest enemy. What I lack in energy I make up for in pain. Nature (in this case, my body) has a way of finding balance like that. As my health wanes, my desire to create grows stronger. Yin is to Yang as my illness is to my drive to create art.
I've learned to limit my expectations- more or less. I want to be super mom, super wife and friend and sister all in the same day. But I can't. I still struggle with this- I want so badly to function at a 'normal' level. I have however, found a way to cope. I dedicate the whole day to a shopping trip with my Mom. Or immerse myself completely with whatever my daughter needs. Whether it's homework or a craft project, I set the day aside for no one but her. I know not to count on having a scrap of energy left for anyone else. I've learned to give completely of myself when I am able and to shut the whole world out when I need to rest.
Lately, that's not always possible.
What do I do now that I have both a baby and a child who need so much of me, all at the same time? In five or six years- when Rowen is more independent it will be easier. But I don't want to wait for my baby to grow up. I want to live it. I want to get down on the floor and discover the world all over again form his viewpoint. I want to make memories with him and give him all the attention he needs. I want to have the energy to do this while giving Kerri the same amount of my time, love and attention. I want to embrace this moment. Every moment. I don't want to miss my babies growing up.
But I'm being stretched thin.
